Who’s the Fairest of Them All? The Fight Against Prop 8

In another aspect of my very opinionated life, I also “Balance the Scales” in the Long Island Pulse magazine where I take on legal issues.  Although I promised to leave the legal musings in the Pulse, today’s ruling on Prop. 8 is too important to go without remark.  In January 2010, I knew that as a matter of legal and personal principle, I had to take a public stand on gay marriage. Because the topic is so relevant today, I am going to share that Pulse column with you now.

Mirror, Mirror…

Love. It’s one of life’s most difficult endeavors. To find love with someone who loves you back in a healthy and committed manner is one of life’s cruel pursuits. But it’s February, so we are all obsessed with participating in or ignoring Valentine’s Day. As heterosexual couples get married on February 14th, we should remember that a segment of our society can’t enjoy the same rights. This discussion isn’t about religion or romantic sentiment. Instead, we’ll examine this unfocused subject through a different lens—the law. It could be that the law is a high resolution mirror that clarifies the issues. What’s often too easily dismissed in the gay marriage debate is that marriage is a secular legal contract. It’s all of the religious and romantic stuff also, but every marriage is, at its core and from its inception, a legal construct.

There are a host of legal reasons why gay marriage should be included in the law of the land. The Declaration of Independence talks about “inalienable rights” and “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But since the Declaration of Independence isn’t a binding document, we’ll look further. How about the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment of the Constitution? Government must treat us all equally under the law. I won’t spend many words on a Constitutional amendment to prohibit gay marriage, such an amendment does us all a disservice. Even the Supreme Court has evolved away from its previous bigoted, intrusive perspectives on the legal rights of gays in America.

American history is filled with times when we begin to change society’s reflection—how we look at ourselves—with the law. The law led the way for it to be less acceptable to discriminate against African-Americans, women and the disabled, among others.

But marriage is a lagging indicator of social progress in America. Just 42 years ago, the Supreme Court legalized interracial marriage in the United States in the Loving v. Virginia decision. If we continue to deny any citizen the right to civil marriage, then we’ll shatter justice in America. We must examine ourselves in the mirror we hold up to our society. Let’s make sure that our treatment of gay marriage reflects the ideal America.

It is wonderful when the law gets it right.  We all should be glad that the law decided to protect every American citizen in the same way.  We all have some skin in the game with this issue whether gay or straight, because it’s not about sexuality, it’s about freedom and equality.  Neither freedom nor equality should come with an asterisk in our legal system or our society.  Don’t fool yourself that only the marginalized group suffers.  Today it is the LGBT and Immigrant communities whose rights are limited or eliminated, but tomorrow – it may be you.  That’s the funny thing about stripping folks of their rights, you never know what the future holds for any of the categories that describe you.  We must all speak out against injustice whenever we see, as soon as we see it – always.

While we are celebrating the fact that one judge produced the right decision based upon the facts presented and argued by two extremely talented attorneys, there is one sobering fact – this isn’t over.  Today’s decision will be appealed almost immediately.  And there is a stay of execution of this decision pending the appeal by those who favor the ban on gay marriage.  And this case is going forward – all the way forward to the US Supreme Court.  The outcome is uncertain if the case is heard by the Roberts Court, the most conservative Supreme Court in decades.  This fight is going to take years.  We should be realistic about the fight for gay marriage, no less determined, but realistic. 

But I was lucky to have two people who taught me about fairness and inclusion, even in the face of hardship and hatred – my mother and father.  My parents also taught me that if it’s worth having, it’s worth working for it…and if it’s worth believing in, then it’s worth fighting for it.  So on August 4, 2010, as we hold up the mirror and ask, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Tonight, the answer is California.  But if we truly believe in equality and fairness, we are going to have to fight Prop. 8 to keep it that way.